096

"And welcome folks, to this year's Finals of the New York State Gurning Championship....and first to take the field is a relative newcomer to this increasingly popular event, Miss Brittany Whatsername-Rickenbacker. She's a local contestant who, she tells us, has been keen on Gurning ever since she was 6 years old when her grandpappy scared the shit out of her and her sisters by forcing them to sit in a semi-circle on wooden boxes in the back yard whilst he demonstrated the art of removing and cleaning his dentures using a toilet brush which had all but one of the nylon bristles cut off. ..."Granpappy was an intelligent and caring old guy, even if he was a bit strange at times. He seemed to be absolutely certain that it was an important Life Skill that we should aspire to succeed in developing. 'There'll come a day when they'll be building walls instead of providing free dental care you know...that good guy Obama will get his darn fine programmes kicked into touch and you'll be glad your ole granpappy taught you this, so listen up, kids@, he used to say. At least once each day , and twice on a Saturdat", she explained to our Sports Correspondent at the pre-Event interviews. When she was asked how much Gurning practice she put in, where did she train and she think that it interfered with her college studies, she replied "I do about 16 hours training every day, down at Luigi's Pizzeria. It's pretty cool in there and I find that I don't sweat much at all. It's pretty hard going at times though, as I've got real teeth but as I progress and maybe turn Professional, I'll maybe get sponsorship to have them pulled and get real dentures just like granpappy had. College sucks though"...."Well folks, that's what I call commitment to your sport, so, good luck, Brittany, I'm sure all the viewers at home will be cheering you on..." xx :)